With An Owl!
by Marauder-girl
Summary: Er... Weirdest thing I've ever written. The Marauders go out into the forest one day. Read and Find out! Rated for slight language! R&R PWEASE!


With An Owl

A Fic by Marauder-Girl

A/N: Again this is one of those 'I have no explanation for' fics. I was in Oldham bored outta my skull and just started writing. This is the final result. A scary cross between the Fast Show and Harry Potter. Ah well…

Dis: I don't own any of this junk! H.P and all related characters belong to J.K. And the 'With an Owl' Sketch belongs to Mark 'Mr Weasley' Williams and Paul 'Supposedly Sir Cadogan' Whitehouse. Enjoy!

Dedication: To my Dear Mikus and Johnny E. Hope you appreciate this!

It was a lovely hot summers day, the kind where an ice cream is greatly appreciated. The Marauders, sick and tired of being cooped up in the stuffy castle, thought it would be a quite grand idea to go outside and have an adventure on the grounds. After all they had finished all their studying and figured they deserved a break, being the magnificent Marauders after allwas a full time job.

So they gathered up their cloaks and wands and walked out of Gryffindor Tower. It was still during lunchtime and so the hallways were quiet, but the Great was filled with the masses and so they stealthily passed it (With great amounts of sneakiness I might add) and headed out the huge wooden doors into the land of the wild and free.

"So where shall we go people?" James said, voicing the common question.

The other three members of the group shrugged. A common gesture meaning that James should make the decisions because they A) Couldn't be arsed (Rem & Si) or B) They couldn't actually come up with a useful contribution to the conversation (Peter).

James shook his head "Well how about a forest run? We haven't been to the 'clearing' for a while."

There was a nod of assent and the group of friends wandered off into the forest, fully aware of the dangers that lurked inside.

Or where they?

They had been travelling along for about ten minutes ("tree, tree, rock, Centaur, crocodile" "Your Kidding!" "Yeah I am! LOL") when there came a crackling noise from behind them, as though something was following them. Hearts in their throats they quickly span around, wands drawn to find….

"Hagrid!" cried Sirius, breathing a momentary sigh of relief.

Hagrid just gave a wide bushy bearded grin and nodded politely to the boys. His huge crossbow, thankfully very far away from their personages.

"Hagrid…. What…are…" Inquired Remus, before being cut off by the friendly half giants gruff question.

"You boys be lost?"

The Marauders looked confused for a moment and then Sirius (Completely unaware that something could possibly be wrong) electing himself 'Marauders spokesperson and all around communications god' answered

"Nope! We're fine. We've had plenty of experience with the forest Hagrid, after all you're always kicking us out of it!" He smiled his patented 'I'm Sirius Black so you have to let me off the hook grin or the ISBSYHTLMOTH as it was affectionately known.

However it appeared that Hagrid was immune to these charms, and instead a furtive look crossed his broad features. He then gave a broad smile, his gaze focused intensely on the lads.

"So you'll be needing directions to get out then?"

"No, no!" butted in James "Seriously Hagrid were fine. We can find our own way out. We know this forest pretty well."

Hagrid paid no attention to the teen and carried on oblivious.

"Now you go down this path until you come to a huge rock, lovely old rock and at this rock you turn left and follow it until you come to a tree, lovely old tree….."

At this point there was a moment of silent communication between our intrepid protagonists. Something along the lines of 'WTF IS HAGRID GOING ON ABOUT!!!!! THE WHOLE BLOODY FOREST IS FULL OF ROCKS AND TREES!!!!'

Eventually Remus, forever being the practical one, got sick and tired of Hagrid's 'unusual' and 'pointless' ramblings and spoke up.

"Honestly Hagrid we're all fine. We are perfectly able to find our own way out."

The previously calm look that had adorned Hagrid's face had now melded into one that even a basilisk would think twice before moving an inch.

"Ah so you will be fine will ya…" he said quietly.

The Marauders let out a collective breath they weren't aware of holding and nodded. The giant man turned to leave but then quickly swung back around his eyes glittering evilly.

"But!" he continued "What if you were to fall down an 'ole ay! A great big, dirty deep hole!!"

"Er…." Came the startled reply, nothing more than a squeak.

And so the clearly raving half giant carried on…

"What if ya fell down a hole, In the middle of the night, in the dark and you couldn't see anything… what then ey!"

By now you could quite understand that the boys were starting to get a little…. Freaked out. They had been expecting the usual 'If I catch you in ere again..' speech, but instead they'd been subjected to this madman. Slowly they began to back away, but the crazy person they had formerly known advanced on them.

"An what if you fell down in a hole. In the dead of night, in the dark and then the FOG CAME IN!!! Bloody thick fog!!! Were would you be then!!!"

Slowly, slowly they backed away, but still Hagrid advanced.

"An what if you fell down a hole, in the dark, in the fog and an OWL CAME!! A BLOODY HUGE KILLER OWL, PECKING AND NIPPING!! WHERE WOULD YOU BE THEN!!!"

Clearly this was way, WAY too much for the Marauders fragile sanity(?). Sirius finally gathering his common sense about him (Who knew he had some, will wonders never cease!) Shouted the order.

"RUN AWAY!!"

And then fled for dear life! It took the other members of the group a few minutes to snap out of their dazed, rather frightened revere and follow the speeding blur that was Sirius. All the time the crazy Hagrid, was screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Stuck down a hole in the dark, in the fog. WITH AN OWL!!!!!!" And chuckling as he watched the traumatized boys run off deeper into the forest.

The four Marauders just kept running, faster and faster, dodging branches and boulders until they noticed that they weren't actually moving forward anymore. Eyes comically wide they looked down and found the reason as to why they were not moving in a forward direction anymore. The reason being that they were suspended in mid air and so there was no ground which for them to move. They gulped in union as they looked down at the hole, and then in true cartoon style plummeted downward with a unified cursing of

"SSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!" As the fell downwards.

They hit the floor an impressive resounding 'CRASH!', an even louder 'SNAP!' and in such a disarray that it put the Slytherins after the 'Custard in the Common Room' incident to shame.

"Padfoot will you please get you CANINE ARSE OUT OF MY FACE!!!!" Cried a disgruntled Remus, squirming madly under his friend.

"I would if Prongsie would move his knobbly knee outta my stomach!!"

"HEY!!! My knees aren't knobbly!!!!"

And so a quarrel broke out, but it was quickly quietened after the four Marauders made the alarming discovery that all of their wands had snapped in the fall and so therefore had no means of escape until someone came and found them.

Meanwhile in the Castle

Hagrid ambled up the spiralling stone staircase toward the Headmasters office and knocked raptly on the old oak door.

"Come in" Intoned a voice from within, it sounded amused.

Hagrid entered the grand office and shuffled over toward the desk. Behind it sat Albus Dumbledore looking very smug with fingers steeped in front off him. Noticing Hagrid (Like it was hard!) he gave the man a broad, slightly mischievous smile.

"Did it work?" he asked plainly.

Hagrid nodded.

"It did Sir." He replied "I don't think those boys will be going in there much after this little escapade!"

The door slammed shut on them and all that could be heard behind it was maniacal laughter.

Back in the Pit of Despair!

"Nine hundred and sixty seven thousand, seven hundred and twenty one bottle of butter beer on the wall. Nine hundred……."

"SHUT UP PETER!!!!!!" Was the unanimous shout and the smallest of the four quietened immediately and looked sullen.

"Guys… I say we vow not to come in here from now on. Except on full moon nights." Remus being sensible once again said.

There was a murmur of distaste.

"How about we don't come into the forest when Hagrid is about. It's safer." James.

"Agreed" Replied Sirius " Next time we're gonna drug him up real good…. One of my Uncle Alphard's kids works in the apothecary. I'm sure……"

"SIRIUS!!!!!" Remus plusdeath glare.

"I was Kidding Rem…… Just kidding" He faltered under the death glare of above being thrown his way.

SILENCE.

"Guys is it me or is it starting to get dark?" James again.

"And foggy" Sirius.

"You know I'm finding this whole situation highly ironic." Commented Remus, which was largely ignored by the other members of the group.

"U-uh G-guys!" The voice was nothing more than a squeak.

"I thought we told you to shut up Peter!" Snapped Sirius, glaring as best he could in the gloom (It seemed like a good idea at the time) and hoping it was aimed at the right person.

"But…. G-Guys" Again a squeaky voiced Peter tried.

This time it was Remus who retaliated.

"Peter BE QUIET! We've all got headaches!"

"But guys! THERE'S SOMETHING IN HERE WITH US!!!"

"TWIIIT TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

"ARGH IT'S AN OWL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

FIN

A/N: Yeah that was slightly mental. But hey I am mental. Hope you enjoyed it, leave a review if you care! Thanx Peeps!


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